Success, projections, and the like.

well i think tonight was a general success for the most part. i have to admit, i detest dances, but i can't stop going to them. the DJ always does this routine for songs: fast fast fast slow... line dance line dance line dance waltz... no one really knows how to "fast dance" anyways. and the line dances a) are retarded for the most part, and b) wear you out for the whole night if you do more that 2 or 3. so really, the more fast dances you have, the suckier the dance is. but then again, i'm sure if the man did tons of slow dances, i would not get asked, then i would complain that you dont need a partner for line-dancing, so fast songs would be good. i guess i can never be happy with organized dances because a) i don't really get asked a lot. b) i've never had a date to a dance, so i dont know what its like to have someone to dance with the whole time, and c) i still detest dances.

i need to stop making lists.

anyway, tonight was good because i actually got up the courage to ask someone to dance that i might like a little. it was ladies choice, which is good and bad because a) it is totally up to you if you dance or not to that song, and b) the good ones tend to get taken really really fast. (shoot! i did another one!) once, i asked my best friend's boyfriend to dance because we couldn't find my friend, and i said "man these things suck, because i never know who to ask." and he started pointing at himself. what a player. haha just kidding... i think it was the 3rd ladies choice dance when i asked a special boy to dance. and it wasnt even awkward. well, it kind of was at first because i went up to him while he was with his group of friends and i was like "heyy! will you dance with me?" and he said, very distracted by the snowflake projections on the ceiling and wall, "...yeah... man look at the snowflakes! once they go from the ceiling to the wall, they like go in a completely different direction!" i busted up laughing and he just said "sorry, i'm easily entertained." and we talked through the whole entire song. sometimes if you dance with someone really random, this is how the conversation goes: "hi! what's your name? i'm ________. where are you from? oh yeah i've been there. oh i'm from here. do you play sports? i play softball... yeah..." and it is awkwardly silent for the next 2 minutes. but this time, we talked about Christmas, driving, where i live (which is actually a pretty big topic of interest around here, apparently. i got asked about it probably 3 times tonight.), the snowflakes, and school... pretty standard stuff, now that i think about it. but still, i'm glad it wasnt just the general info exchange. we were making jokes the whole time and it was all over too fast. the best kind of dances are when you're not crazy, out-of-control head-over-heels over anyone. then you dont sit there wishing he would ask you to dance, or swearing death on any girl he does choose over you. this way, it's more chill, and you can have a LOT more fun. unless your broja hangs out with creepy grubby girls... ugh. gross. speaking of which, i found out tonight that he sends out an anti-boy signal. i sat with him during most of the slow songs, waiting to be asked. but at one point, i said "dude, go over there. don't stand by me. guys are intimidated by my hulking 21 year old brother guarding me all the time." so he left, and i was actually asked to dance by a friend of mine. go figure.

wow. i literally just got bored with my own story. i am so, so sorry if you actually just put your own self through that. =]

Trains, harmonies, and poop.

well, i made it to my "sweet" 16. i heard once that to have a "sweet" birthday, it means you haven't been kissed before then. so i definitely made it. i practically had a "sickeningly-sweet-sugar-coated-extra-caffeinated" 16 for how lucky i am with guys. i wonder what your birthday is called if you've been kissed like once or twice. is it a "bittersweet" 16? what about the people who have been kissing since the opposite gender lost its cooties? would that be like a "sour" 16 or a "salty" 16? i wonder how many other people have had this same exact thought process. it doesnt seem like a very popular thought, but then you have to remember how many people are in the world. you know? i mean, how many inventions have been thought of hundreds of times, but someone just got to the copyright office first? i used to want to be an inventor when i was little. but i bailed off that train of thought when i realized that more ambitious, well-funded people would more than likely put that idea into action before me. so there was no point.

i love the backstreet boys. like really, i honestly do. i've been listening to the "Millenium" album all freakin day long. my favorites are "Larger Than Life" (it makes me feel like i can do anything.), "I Want It That Way" (tell me you didnt secretly dance to that when it first came out. i dare you.), and "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely" (it really expresses a lot of what i can't put into my own words.). it does bug me that they call themselves a band, when all they do is sing and dance while the actual instrumentalists have no recognition whatsoever, but oh well. they have pretty harmonies.

man. Christmas is in 3 days. well, technically 2... it's 1:47 in the morning, so it's officially December 23rd. we call that "Christmas Adam" at my house. get it? because December 24th is Christmas Eve... it's like Adam and Eve... whatever. you dont have to get it. i have to sing in church in like... i dont know how many hours. but not a lot. i just know that we're singing "What Child Is This?" in sacrament meeting. there's one part that is really stupid. it's just all of us going "ahhhhhhh" in a really complicated tune that doesnt even have the melody in it for like 6 measures. it's hard to follow, so we kind of make it up.

yikes. it's 1:49 in the morning, and i'm actually writing a blog. what an ugly word. who wants to have anything to do with something called a blog? it sounds like a dog throwing up. might as well say "Post a bogey" or "i'm going to write a poop." it just doesnt sound appealing. um the point of this entire paragraph is to say that i'm done. so...

i'm done.

Stilletoes, motifs, and excuses.

this has been such a long day. i didnt get home until 10 pm, and that was after going to school, kind of working out (which is hard to do if you let your friend borrow your shorts for baseball practice and he doesnt give them back...), going to nikiah's house to do homework, and going to a concert in a forever-long dress and stilletoes.

i'm not gonna lie. when i have a concert, i seriously expect my family to give me a lot of attention.

tonight, i had a concert. it was a really good one, too. like, i got things right that i've never been able to do, even in practices. but my dad missed it. again. i can't remember the last time he came to an actual concert of mine. he went to the Christmas festival, but that also had food, and lots of people were talking so you couldn't really hear X-Press. so yeah, only my mom, todd, and kimberly came. well after the concert was over, my mom was pissed about something or other. so since she was mad, i was upset because i always feel like it's my fault. then my brother was being a douchebag and for the first time in my life, i wanted to talk to my sister more than i wanted to talk to the other two. it was crazy. so by the time i got home, i was in a really really foul mood. but i still had to call nikiah so we could work on our english homework together. i have 8 essay questions, 4 learning experiences, 2 motifs, and 6 themes from "To Kill A Mockingbird" to write about. due tomorrow, first period. i have 6 essay questions done, and that's it. i think i'll just turn it in on friday. she takes late work a lot.

while i was on the phone with kiah, my daddy came in and really apologized for missing my concert. it was a long story, but i got the general idea of what happened so he couldnt make it. so i'm not mad at him, just really really disappointed that things keep working out this way.

to top off this fantastic day, i am dead tired but i can't go to sleep because... i dont even feel like explaining. but i can't go to bed right now, and the fact that i'm listening to "Sleep" by MCR does not help. even though it's pretty "hardcore" i guess, it still makes me sleepy.

you should probably not listen to my complaining anymore. it can'tbe good for my self esteem or yurs.

Ooookay...

something about math just absolutely repulses me. at this exact moment, i am looking at a blank notebook page and an open book that talks about parabolas and all i can think of is Jeremiah the Bullfrog... and the song that goes with it. i swear, Rhees is the most random person ever. i like that he just came up with that name for the parabola frog.

i am also supposed to be filling out 2 pages of questions about "To Kill A Mockingbird." earlier today, i was talking to nikiah on the phone and she filled an entire 5 minutes just telling me all the work she had to get done before friday or she would fail most of her classes. i volunteered to help her, but here i am, practically sending my grades to the guillotine.

i'm not going to lie. i feel kind of weird having an actual blog. that is like... the epitome of internet nerdiness. well, that and World of Warcraft (no offense to anyone). its kind of like putting my diary under the spyglass, but i dont know how many people on here actually know me, and even less will probably care. i have an actual journal--right next to me, in fact-- but i think i am just too lazy to actually write. i usually write about 3 pages a day, just talking about the littlest events in details, mostly about something cute that happened to me. or about some drama with someone going on somewhere. isnt it so sad that i dont even want to keep a personal written record of my own life? i mean, i'm going to write in it tonight, i just... dont want to. which is the problem. i'd rather sit here and type up stuff that doesnt even matter to people that i dont even know (except one). how creepy! and lazy. and sad. and pathetic. and pessimistic.

i will stop that train of thought right there.

i love Christmas. i hate hate hate hate HATE the winter, but i do like Christmas and i do like my birthday. but that's really it. i dont even like snow. is that weird?

ahh! i need to stop being so pessmistic! it's killing me!

i need lotion.

i spelled lotion wrong at first.

my dr. pepper is almost empty.

this keyboard doesnt work!

my finger hurts.

i have to get up crapping early in the morning to take a shower because stupid sister took all the water in her 10 year shower.

i've had my alarm clock for like 2 years.

two years ago, i spent Christmas in california. todd was not there.

todd can be such a creeper, i swear. people probably think he is chemically imbalanced.

i love this song.

i wonder when the next stake dance will be. i want to go to one.

i hope i get asked to prom. that would be cute, because i would be able to go!

i just realized how incredibly cliche and immature and classic high-school ditzy-blonde i sound.

i also do not care what anyone thinks about me because well because it is 11:06 P.M. and i have dr. pepper in my system. which makes me not care about a lot of things.

which brings me back to parabolas.

i could write a novel based on the things that go through my head.

i could write the sequel based on their explanations.

i could also end this entry right here at this exact spot, but i wont. because







i want to end it here.