Called it.

You may recall the following statement from a previous post from about a month ago:

"Hey Jennifer, where's your other half?" and "Hey Jennifer, you look weird and awkward walking places by yourself. You look like you need to have a best friend next to you."

That's referring to what I predicted people were going to say to me once Best Friend Kyle made his final exit from SUU. Well... let's just say I was half right. People are definitely saying those things... just not to me. I've actually had people asking me if I'm depressed because Kyle is gone. I'm really not sure how to feel about this.

Honestly, I'm really surprised that this has come up. I mean, I don't think I'm depressed. I'm certainly not sad all the time, and it's not like I'm constantly thinking "Oh, if only Kyle were here..." Granted, I have my days when I really just need my best friend. But I'm not like in a perpetual state of misery simply because my "other half" is 7 hours away.

On the other hand, I have noticed that I've become much more reserved and kind of quiet (two of my favorite phrases to use when defining "socially awkward") this semester, but I attribute that to the fact that if I don't do absolutely stellar in my classes this semester, I lose my scholarships and I'm basically screwed. As a result, I've been confining myself to my room most hours of the day studying and doing homework. If I'm not in my room, then I'm either at the cafeteria or at the gym (which is technically me doing homework, since I'm in a Circuit Weight Training class), and that's almost a guarantee. I wouldn't necessarily say this is because I'm depressed... I just have different priorities this semester. Who knows?

No one knows.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this. I guess this is kind of the closest thing I have to a journal, since I haven't written in a journal regularly since my junior year of high school. Writing has always been a good emotional outlet for me. It helps me sort out thoughts and emotions. And you, lucky reader, get to be in on it.

This semester is different in a lot of ways. I'm definitely more stressed about schoolwork, considering my final grades will affect a huge decision I'm going to have to make. My friend Sly who, under different circumstances, would've asked me to be his girlfriend and I wouldn't have hesitated to say yes, left on his mission in December. So I miss him an awful lot. I'm also having a harder time with my living situation this semester. Turns out, I'm kind of selfish when it comes to my personal hygiene stuff. I have a big, big problem with people borrowing my body wash, toothpaste, brush, razor, etc... and yes. Those are all current problems. Gross, right?

And of course, there is Kyle. I do miss him really, really fiercely. Some days more than others. I still text him every day without fail, and we Skype fairly often, but it's obviously not the same. I would love more than anything to be able to take a trip to where he lives and just spend a few days with him, but I'm not so "weird and awkward" enough that I let the fact that I miss him affect my outward emotions. At least, I don't think so.

I forgot what the point of this post was supposed to be. Was it to say that I'm not a clinically depressed maniac just because Kyle is gone? Was it to say how much I miss him? Was it to say how much I miss last semester in general? Was it to tell you how wildly exhausted I am, due to an extremely intense workout I had an hour and a half ago? Maybe it was to say that I really shouldn't blog when I'm in a tired/hungry/missing-Best-Friend state of mind. Who knows?

No one knows.

Good night.