The time has come.

i have to start deciding what college to go to. i'll explain to you my dilemma:

as you may or may not be aware, i am doing Sterling Scholar this year in the English category. no one is running against me, so i automatically become the English Sterling Scholar winner for Kanab High School. duh. well, Dixie State College in St. George has a deal with Sterling Scholar that they give a full tuition scholarship to the winners from high schools. meaning, i've already got tuition paid for at Dixie for my whole first year of college. unfortunately... i really don't want to go to Dixie. financially speaking, it's certainly my best option. it used to be that the whole Sterling Scholar scholarship covered tuition, housing, books, etc. but i learned yesterday that now it's just tuition. still, that's a huuuuge chunk of college pain taken care of. but like i said, Dixie appeals to me in no way, except that it's close to home, it's warm, and my friend Dustin is going there the first year, and he can hook me up with tons of concert tickets. haha

another one of my options is BYU. i've always been a big fan of BYU, and it's always been my dream to go there. i haven't sent in my application yet (i still need to get my ecclesiastical endorsement), but i started it at least. Mom and Dad even said that they really want me to go to BYU, because it's a "tradition", but i don't know... like i said, i've always wanted to go there, but i've been changing my mind a lot lately. i don't really think i could even get into BYU in the first place, seeing as how i only got a 26 on my ACT this last time, and the majority of the people attending BYU have like a 28. even if i did get accepted though, it is crazy expensive to go to school there and live there and everything. as for BYU-Idaho... it used to be my second choice, now it's probably like my 3rd. no offense to all of my siblings that went there, but it just doesn't really strike a chord with me. i can't seem to psych myself up to live in Rexburg at all.

on the other hand, we have Southern Utah University. i love this school. it's where i went to Girls State, so that's how i knew that i'd like the campus and everything. also, after talking to friends who go there and the ambassadors and everything from SUU, i get really excited when i think about going. they have an awesome, awesome psychology program (which is what i want to go into) and best of all? Nikiah is planning on going to SUU after she graduates from high school and Snow College, so we could be roommates and such.

yesterday (Friday the 13th... hmm...) was "Distinguished Scholars Day" at SUU, which Ashley, Nikiah and i (among several other Kanab people, plus my friend Clay from Millard) were all invited to. we had some workshops like On-Campus Housing, Getting Involved, Financial Aid and Scholarships, Study Abroad, etc. after that was some group activities with the students, then went on to tour the campus. Mom and Dad weren't able to come until later in the day, since Mom had to work in Kanab until 1:30, but i had ridden up with Ashley and her mom so i could be there at the start of the day. anyways, they split all the kids up by their intended majors (mine was "HSS-Psychology", HSS meaning Humanities and Social Sciences), then again so that there were 4-6 people per tour guide. i ended up tagging along with Nikiah and her parents, and we were the only ones in our tour group, which was led by a guy named Skyler. he was awesome. he showed us around campus, and we eventually got up with Mom and Dad right before we were shown to Cedar Hall... which happens to be where i want to live. Juniper Hall is where i stayed at Girls State, and i barely made it through a week. i can't imagine living there for months and months. Eccles is highly discouraged for use by freshmen, since it's kind of a secluded living space, and isn't exactly social, which is one thing they kind of want freshmen to focus on. Cedar Hall is right in the middle, where it's a lot nicer than Juniper, but also more social than Eccles.

so here is my actual dilemma: i've already landed a free year at Dixie, but i really want to go to SUU. i know i could get a ton of scholarships to SUU to make it cheaper, but it would still be more expensive than Dixie, but i would be happier. technically, i could go to Dixie first, then transfer to SUU. however, if i do that, any scholarships i earn at SUU will expire, and i will pay out the butt to go to the school i wanted to go to in the first place. so i just don't know what to do.

actually, this would be considered (as my mom would put it) counting my chickens before they hatch. see, i've applied to both Dixie and SUU, but i haven't really been accepted yet. however, cocky as this may sound, i pretty much know for a fact i'm going to get in both places. my ACT score and GPA are high enough to get me into both, so i'm not too worried about that. but still... i'm really kind of stressing about this. i really want to go to SUU, but what if i can't afford it? what if i have to go to Dixie on my scholarship and just work my tail-end off in St. George so i can afford to go to SUU in Cedar City my sophomore year? well heck, what if i don't get in anywhere? what if i fail life?

meanwhile, i'm attempting to pass Chemistry and high school, get another job so i can afford to go on the Bahamas cruise in June AND the music department California trip in April, and i might possibly do wrestling cheer this winter, all while trying not to lose my mind. i think i need a hug. :(