In the past 48 hours,

I have had a surprisingly high amount of rather humbling experiences. (And by "high", I mean like 3.) I'm really not the kind of person that's all into "signs" and stuff, but I kind of feel like I've been punched in the guts by a pretty heavy realization. I don't know if it's because I just finished reading a book about what happens to a person that allows sin and offense to fester within their soul and it just scared the living daylights out of me or if it's just time to understand what an infant I've been lately, but something has to change

As most of you may know, I really kind of hate people. A lot. Yesterday, I saw this random girl for the first time in my life. I looked at her outfit, how the was playing with her hair, and the way she was inexplicably puckering her lips while observing the people around her, and I verbally declared that I absolutely hated her. I wish I could say this was an exaggeration, but it's really not. Literally just the way this poor girl looked was enough for me to announce that I wanted to punch her in the face a hundred times.

To explain my "humbling experiences", they were pretty much all the same. Between yesterday afternoon and today between classes, I held genuine, civil conversations with three of the top five people that I bear more hostility toward than any other individual on the planet. Really. The other two people don't even live here, but I happened to run into the three that do. I don't know what came over me to sit down with these individuals and just have a normal conversation, but by the time I walked away, I actually noted that I was not filled with rage or any kind of negativity at all... and it was nice.

I feel very Grinch/Ebenezer Scrooge-y saying all this, by the way. And I'm really not sure if anyone will actually read this, but I feel like I need to somehow publicly declare these feelings or I might later pretend they never happened and go back to my hateful ways. I'm not saying I'm "turning over a new leaf" or anything. I'm not reinventing myself as a person, because there will always be those people that just rub me the wrong way, and I will not actively enjoy being in their company. However, I've just realized that every day, I waste so much time, energy, and emotion being so angry at so many people, many of which that haven't even done anything to offend me. Just their personalities conflict with mine, so I declare a hatred that isn't deserved.

So while I have absolutely no intention of going out of my way to befriend all of these people that bug me, I'm just so tired of putting forth the effort to be angry every time I even think about them. One guy was such a sensitive subject with me that even hearing his name pissed me off. But after talking to him today, I thought how stupid it is that the reason I started "hating" him was because of something he said in bad taste in January. January. That was seven months ago, and I have been festering in rage all this time. It's absurd and ridiculous and childish and stupid and I'm just tired of this routine.

It's time to let go.

It's time to change.

And I have done so.

I have no enemies.

And I am content.